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If re-sharing please respect peoples identity privacy, suggested descriptive text: 'If you heard the scandal about a certain Dublin goth over the last years here is his version of events'

Veritas: my testimony



This is intended to be read by those who have heard rumours/stories/allegations about my conduct of a negative nature, to set the record straight. Mainly by those who do not know me, and those that lacked the courage to approach me. (as most who know me have long ago approached me and heard all these details directly).

For those that have not heard anything, I would prefer you didn't read further and let my observed actions/words be the only things that effect your perceptions of me. but I am not ashamed of who I am, so if your curious I cannot stop you.

Why not earlier:

I was advised to NOT put any details in writing earlier to avoid enabling those spreading the rumours to develop a better/closer to truth lie.

Why now:

As legal statements have been recorded by others and myself and are part of (sealed) public record the allegations against me cannot now be revised by my accusers. And because I'm sick of being unsure who is quietly judging me when I'm out in public, or when some misled individual will decide to aggressively confront me.

A little bit of related background about me for those that do not know me:

I am male mostly heterosexual and Polyamorous and believe in personal freedom and choice, with responsibility taken for those choices and predictable outcomes.

I believe in encouraging safe environments for people to explore their freedoms and limits, with respect/consideration of the limits of others.

I also deeply believe in such environments toleration of peer pressure 'ahh go on. try it' type pressure should be as actively discouraged as the more obvious pressures.

I also deeply believe in such environments curiosity should be tempered/guided by experience. (for example if someone inexperienced says I want to try XYZ substance/act, I do not just go 'sure' I think its my duty (if experienced) to ensure they understand the effects/potential positives and negatives and surroundings before assisting, and if its something I do not know about I attempt to introduce them to someone I know/trust who can)

I also deeply believe in such environments harassment/bigotry or any other actions intended to make others feel uncomfortable/unwelcome should not be tolerated

If others wish to share their testimony about above here (anonymously) I will add them. here if you contact me directly.

With these goals in mind I have actively worked with/assisted and help organizer's of many goth/alternative and BDSM/fetish events and clubs, and endeavored always to integrate new faces with old and be an approachable resource for complaints/concerns to keep these spaces both safe and tolerant.

During my years I have helped many people (given help when needed, aided recovery from abuse/rape/messy breakup/overdoing(drugs/alcohol)/being spiked and temporary homelessness, and through doing so have earned the trust and respect I was given, and I have been proud of this and the many friends I have made.

Also during my years I have had parties at my home, ranging from after club drinks/chats, reserved dinner party, cans and a movie, stoner giggle fests, Ecstasy inspired cuddle-puddles, acid trip fests, all the way to naked orgies, and many in between. (despite rumours to the contrary most people who have attended a party in mine HAVE NOT had more than a drink and a pleasant chat (many do not even drink more than tea), If I ever invite you for an after-party this is all that should be expected unless otherwise told. I do require some time to trust people and feel comfortable placing them with those I already trust/respect in a more intimate party).

When it comes to drugs (even alcohol) I may be quite open minded, but I will (and have) actively discouraged people from experimenting with an unfamiliar to them substance when I believed it was a less than conducive environment (too many people, too few careful/trusted present), but have equally offered/provided safer environment later for them to safely try whatever it was they were curious about in a safer controlled space, and still believe strongly in this approach. expanded due to reported mis-reading

When it comes to sex I may be extremely open minded but I am equally extremely strict about in verbal and enthusiastic consent being given (which is why the allegations are so distressing to me), I can cite so many examples of where I refused advances made (despite strong attraction) because I believed the other person was either to drunk or emotionally vulnerable at the time to give real consent despite enthusiasm.

As these allegations against me have placed that trust in doubt I have refrained from active 'social' involvement till now, as I didn't think it was fair to expect strangers to trust me in light of the serious nature of the allegations made.

I have since decided to take my life back, return to active involvement and not let these malicious actors continue to effect my life.

Though I regret the many details of my 'private' and sexual life being on display to those not directly involved, that choice was taken from me, thus this is the only way I can possibly clear the air and set the record straight.

that said I will not be using the names of those involved as that would be grossly unfair to those others involved. except those uninvolved directly who have dedicated themselves to the continued spreading of these lies about me have been left named (those will be removed if I hear/see any sign of remorse/regret/retraction or cessation of their malignant campaign)

Previous interactions with my accuser Z:

Being aware of her existence for some years due to her distinctive appearance but little more than small-talk interactions.

Then I and my (at the time) girlfriend C arranged to meet a recently befriended by C couple for coffee in town, they said they were bringing along a friend who turned out to be Z. As we were chatting at some point in the conversation drug use came up, Z mentioned that none of her current associates dabbled and she missed this and pleaded(but only comically) for me and C to make sure and invite her to join us sometime when we were having a party of that nature, we agreed to.

Sometime later a party of the 'clothing optional drugs will be present' nature was arranged (post exam blowout for C) with some friends new and old and Z was invited, prior to the party Z asked (via a whats-app group setup for attendees) for another guest(who was arranging the drugs) to obtain/reserve her some ecstasy. edited 27/7/17 for clarity

on the night of the party C had overdone it early so I was mainly upstairs nursing her, but when Z arrived late (previous party) I exchanged hugs, showed her to kitchen and to the ecstasy that she reserved introduced her briefly and then went back to looking after C upstairs. I was not aware directly of the goings on, but know that nudity and fun was had by all (observed on way too/from loo, and the occasional visit to check in on C and I) eventually things died down I put C to bed and placed Z in a spare bed in A's bedroom (A was a temporarily homeless workmate and friend of C's) saw others off to taxis cleaned up and went to bed myself. Z stayed the next day and joined me C and the others that slept over for tv food general hangover day the next day.

Over the next while Z and C spent a lot of time hanging out together and chatting via whats-app/fb/whatever on one of those days C arrived home and told me, her and Z had obtained a single tab of acid (free sample) from some guy in the park. at some point Z began working with C in the lap-dancing club C had worked in for some time.

The night in question and what really happened:

A (by now working in a takeaway) arrived home from work and went upstairs to bed.

I was working and got a call from C to ask if it was ok if her and Z could come back after work for some drinks (to ensure I was not needing an early start in the morning) I said fine and prepped the usual martinis for ourselves and Z.

When they arrived music was put on there was conversation a bit of lighthearted fetish play (Z chasing us round with a flogger and us doing same) clothes were shed a lot of hugging and kissing and conversation and some drinking spanking and light fetish play. at some point Z and C decided they would like to split the single tab of acid they had in three and all of us take a third, I thought it was a waste (ineffective amount, and not best mixed with drinks), but it was their acid to waste.

Over time eventually the play between C and Z got heavier as they moved to more cunnilingus and penetration by dildo,fingers etc. this continues for some time I mainly stayed on the periphery and just kissed and stroked wherever/whoever was being neglected.

I do not know an exact time-line but at some point it was decided to oil each of us with coco butter which we all did to each other (I do remember Z commenting that she would have to supply us with better quality coco butter)

(she seemed at all times to be convincingly cognisant and fully aware/capable mentally) and with my doubts assuaged I placed on the condom and she reclined and I penetrated her, after a short while (mainly due to the roughness of the carpet on my knees) I decided it was going to be unsatisfying at best for her as I would not be able to continue for any extended period like this I suggested they go back to what they were doing before and said I'd prefer to just continue being peripheral.

Though I did go upstairs and retrieve some duvets so they would be less uncomfortable on the floor as I now realised how uncomfortable it must be. they continued for a few more hours till eventually the three of us were kinda all curled up in the duvets and beginning to doze off I then suggested we'd be better to move to a bed upstairs to sleep so we all 3 went up to sleep in my bed (sunrise was long since over) at some point the following afternoon I woke and went downstairs to cleanup and start work.

Next day

Later in the day Z, C and A could be heard upstairs conversing and later Z came down I made her some sort of breakfast and she headed home to change/prep for work, later that night C rang me to tell me that Z and herself were coming round after work again, and that Z had claimed to have no memory of the events of the previous night. When they arrived I first went over the events of the night before in simple brief undetailed terms (as my only concern was that she be made aware as I was shocked she could not) what drinks were taken the 1/3 of acid, the nakedness the various acts between her and C the brief penetration by myself the curling up together in bed later.

She seemed most worried about whether she should reveal anything to her boyfriend (previously unmentioned), I thought she should (as I'm not big on secrets), C espoused that she should forget about it, she said she would need some time/space to process, before much more discussion happened A came downstairs to jokingly complain about how we had all kept her awake the previous night and they (C Z and A) got involved in a discussion about tactics used to get more dances in work.

At some point Z and C wend up to my bed to sleep and I decided since she was apparently uncomfortable with the events the night before to sleep in C room by myself. The next day I was up early and whenever Z awoke I made her coffee possibly some breakfast (I cant recall if she had any that day) and she left.

The first hint a false narrative is evolving

A while later (a few weeks I think) she (Z) sent a whats-app message direct to C, copy here and I responded direct to her, to sympathise with her feelings and to disagree with the factually inaccurate part of her claimed recollection and to assure her I would not attempt to argue or contact her (but was available if she wished to talk), and to that end I offered to take the night off anytime she was attending the club I volunteered at whats-app message direct to Z, copy here

First sign of witch-hunt

Sometime weeks later I answered the door to another volunteer at the club C who informed me Z had been in contact with the club via Facebook requesting me to be dismissed and claiming I and C had drugged and forcibly raped her, after the shock, I detailed the events of the night to him and asked him to tell others that they were welcome to visit or call to hear the same details. Over time all staff members were given full details. After some period they decided that it would be best if I took some time off so it would not negatively reflect on attendance as it was apparently 'all over Facebook'.

I sought the advice of friends

I was advised by a gardai friend (who i gave a full account to) that due to the acid use I would be better not to make a preemptive statement to the gardai, as they might have to prosecute just for the possession of the acid.

I was advised by friends and those within the fetish and goth communities to ignore it and it would 'blow over'.

some time after Z and some friends opened there own club.

The troublemakers

After many months I continued to hear from old friends (usually those returning after many years absent, thus appearing to be 'new faces') that had been approached at random in this new club by James Monahan to 'warn' them about how they should stay clear of the club I was associated with as 'many people have had their drinks spiked, and my friend was drugged and raped by their doorman' eventually after a year I resigned from the club (as the allegations could not be improving attendance), and made my first public criticism of those responsible for the direct and continuing spreading of this rumor and invited anyone wanting to hear the truth to ask me about it.

Within a few days I had been contacted by many who all had been told either directly by James Monahan, or via Facebook by a girl called Megan Baumgartner. All had dismissed the stories out of hand, but were contacting as asked to tell me what they had been told and some to hear my version of events. (most telling is the fact that these individuals spreading the rumours never once attempted (to my knowledge) to hear/discover/ask the truth from me, C or even A. or even from any of the people it had been related to verbally by myself)

The last chapter

Then last December I was visited by the gardai, to advise me that (over a year later) Z had approached them to make these accusations official, (and extend the allegations to now to include C), directly contradicting her earlier statment to C a whats-app message direct to C, copy here

So I had to obtain lawyers for myself and C and make our own official statements (this is an expansion upon mine), by April we had heard that the case had been dropped. downside we will never see what the accusations were, upside at least I could now state in writing now what had actually occurred.

These bits are conjecture and assumption and thus added separately to the facts above

I cannot speak to the motivations of others, but I have to assume that these people are emotionally damaged in some way that they choose to see malice where none exists and choose to believe the false narrative of events they have concocted(or been convinced of) rather than ask/discover something closer to the truth

I cannot force a dialog with my accusers, that would be as abusive as the conduct im accused of, I can only beg others to encourage them to seek a dialog or at leastobtain and share the details of what I am accused of

But from the outset I had assumed Z did honestly not remember and unfortunately (for both her and I) she chose (instead of asking those present for details) to seek advice/help from those (well meaning maybe) who through their own pre-conceptions/biases(unconscious presumably) to suggest/frame/re-enforce a negative false narrative of the events instead of seeking truth. Thus those influencers had/have made Z a victim, but a victim of their false narritive. but as I also know an imagined hurt is equally as damaging as a factual one, and I had no wish to exacerbate her real suffering caused by this, so I endeavored to never attend events she was present at or to contact her or confront her.

Equally I have avoided those who have publicly and with whisper campaign maligned my reputation, as I didn't consider it necessary to point out more than the fact they have never attempted to discover the truth should be enough to show their obvious untrustworthiness in this matter.

I do agonise as to whether I somehow missed a sign she was less than capable at the time (she obviously was drunker than appearances as she did not remember), but I honestly do not believe there was, and cannot reconcile the clear conversations we had throughout the night and during the events with this fact that she remembered nothing till we told her what happened.

Though I do have to mention the incredulous part, that if we had (apparently as I don't know the current claimed story) maliciously done anything non-consentual, why when told she dosn't remember, would we then sit her down and tell her everything that happened? and this event she must clearly remember, as it was a full day later.

That belief/perception/assumption (about her being a victim of those who encouraged a false narritive) has now changed, when over a year later the gardai were involved (to no conceivable end that I can see other than for Z to refute those of her peers who were beginning to doubt the veracity of her allegations), uncaring about the consequences for myself and C on top of the years of defamation already endured. As that action was to my mind a purely politically motivated move I will no longer bother trying to lessen discomfort on anyone's part by avoiding potential accidental meetings.

The rumors may have stopped/slowed or might not, I have no way to tell if its still happening. as I only hear about it when they mistakenly approach one of my good friends by mistake, and only if that friend contacts me to let me know, both rare occurrences.

I am going to resume my life, I am going to refer people here, and I will resume befriending new faces being gregarious and welcoming socially, and I shall restart inviting people to safe sane and social parties in my home once more, I hope those of you that know me well (even though so many have departed these shores or the scene) encourage others to ignore the lies and observe me and my actions themselves to decide the truth of my character (flaws and all).

I want those who dislike me to do so only for things I have actually done, and to those who still doubt my honesty in this matter please contact/question/debate me directly I welcome anyone interested in the truth, and feel free to talk to the many people that know me/my history better and ask them, there are plenty. And to those who choose to avoid me for political reasons, I'm probably better off without your 'friendship' of convenience.

To anyone with copies of any of the various allegations spread on Facebook or via direct message etc. please consider sharing them with me. and encouraging those involved to cease/desist or at least investigate by talking to all parties.

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Now you have read all, I hope you can understand why I beg you to do me one favour and re-share widely, as this way maybe it will reach those who have only heard the negative fiction. And if re-sharing please respect peoples identity privacy, suggested descriptive text: 'If you heard the scandal about a certain Dublin goth over the last years here is his version of events' or 'I don't know who to believe, but I think we should hear both', If worried about work/family/etc reading simply select a goth only group to share with, or turn off comments (or someone will link) and dont link but mention #veritas, 'so #veritas I belive A/Z' or '#veritas who do you believe' or anything that would encourage the truth to out/conversation to happen